Little Walter by Millais, Satchell and company

The Boyhood of Raleigh by Sir John Everett Millais, oil on canvas, 1870

Little Walter listens intently to lusty tales about southern archipelagos where men and women gambol and gamble on epic waves. Pre-pubescent dreams of voyage and discovery with no thought of the spread of venereal disease, small pox or the ASP. He wonders where he can find the kind of Japanese neoprene that will make Irish surfers big wave Gods.

These fanciful thoughts waft around his head like smoke from a porcelain pipe and the effect from Maui. His dreams are purist and his nightmares commercial; he fears his soft-core approach may read as soft cock.

Nonetheless, he decides that when he grows up, to become a Captain with a blog, to live as a stylish hipster with a boat, retiring as a soul surfer in Spain. Little Walter listens intently but his brother knows – he’s been taken by the hype.