with apologies to just about everyone ..

Sex drugs and rock and roll is wrong .. ! Drugs, then rock and roll, then sex is better – or so they say. I can rise above it.

Surfing is like eating, everybody does it.

Who would use a pseudonym ? Someone owns that name .. somewhere.

I wanna be famous, then I want everybody to fuck the fuck off and leave me alone, like Dane.

Cold-eyed dogs, wild-eyed calf. Food

A cold frog, leaping up against my closed palm

The cattle they bellow, they feed the day through

Barbed-wired posts suture the distant hill

Hey .. ! I’m over 60, parts of me go to sleep after 6 pm.

I’m paying $400 a night for room and buffet breakfast and they’re letting in blokes in wearing thongs .. ?!!  Please release me .

One day I’ll meet the guy who designed Brisbanes’ city road network, but it will be in the asylum.

remember that guy who punched nat a few bruises .. no ..?  neither do I, so come back champ, nearly all is forgiven.

so what happened to the bronzed aussies ..  they get sunburn?

take away kelly slater’s board and what ya got .. ? a winner that’s what.

would you crawl over Kate Moss to get to Madonna, well would ya .. ? No, but I would do it the other way around, yessir, but real quick.

in 1983 everybody wanted to live at Wategos – what goes round comes round – now they’re widening the road so the people who live there can get out ..

Rod Stewart has a lot in common with a ten-day old dead man, they both so cool ..

Tattoos on girls, batshit on cars – I feel a song coming along ..

Kid over there, the three year-old hysterical kid smashing his toy onto the chocolate machine – in the beergarden – with the Friday night rugby game on – how quiet will he be if I stuff him inside it .. ?

Being nude on the beach is fine, really .. but watch where you scratch will you, or bring a portable hand basin – plus you make my eyes water doing that.

How good is this .. ! Motley Crue are back in town, somebody wake-up grandad and tell him ..

Yeah, .. and Stevie, Stevie Winwood – what I said ^.

So what do you call a truck that fell off the back of a truck ..?

Hugh Hefner .. now there’s a guy with a cure for insomnia.

I too was young once, hang on a minute and I’ll find out who’s still alive to confirm it.

Watching an old man surfing is almost sinful, like peeking through his bedroom blinds that one night of the month when he scores, you know he’s having fun but it looks like a lot of hard work.

Jimmy Barnes, mate – please leave the fucking building.

Johnny Farnham ^ .. If you hold his hand it will happen quicker ..

Create a blog, cultivate disappointment and regret, lose track of your real life.

Corporate rule number 12.aa Never answer the phone, it might be a client.

I wanna be a outlaw biker, such BIG bad guy badges.

Byron Bay Cookies – try for a counter smile there when all you buy is their seconds.

The customer is always wrong.

I knew her when she was beautiful, she knew me when I could stand up out of a chair without ripping off an involuntary fart.

That check-out babe with the juicy cough at Byron IGA, that’s a communicable disease lady, put the change in the bag please.

Cultivate a cold sore, score all the joint.

Nobody takes a dozen oysters home to eat .. .. and if he does they should be confiscated.

Guess what .. !? Someone fired a shotgun down Centre Street Casino at 10 am on Sunday and no-one got hit ..

I like John Lennon, ok ? .. .. and you like Beyonce – move right along please ..

There’s a surf shop in Casino ? – and they don’t even own a river.

Hardy’s Chardonnay $6.99 a bottle at Murphys Ballina, $4.50 a glass at the Eltham pub – 5 glasses to the bottle – just sayin’

Two owls live in a tree in my yard, every day I go over there and look up at them, and they look down at me – yesterday one of them dropped a dead rat onto my roof – so fuck you too featherdick .. !

G-strings .. so many things can go wrong, surely.

Yeah !!? .. you and whose army – – mental response to a dead-eye from a bikie coming out of the Slipway Hotel in Ballina.

old men on mals .. ? – when the day comes they go first, then we unload on everybody else.

anyone who comes to the beach with a fresh towel on saturday and another on sunday needs to untuck a little, maybe try golf?

that tightarse wouldn’t shout at a rock concert ..

what’s the (dutch, german, brazilian, french, spanish, portuguese, indo, sri lankan, italian, and russian soon probably) for my fucking wave mate .. !!

prawns, today’s catch you say .. on what continent did that happen ?

synoptic chart .. what is that, an eye test?

surf schools, they should be in a classroom then shouldn’t they ? –

yeah, we all know how good it was forty years ago, just try to get closer to the jack next time will you ..

dude with the dreadlocks in front of me in the supermarket queue, they ain’t ants in there bro, 

how good is the ballina river walk for niggers, blackfish, luderick eh? – it’s me isn’t it ..

prawns eat mud, and they get $25.99 a kilo, cooked – just a thought.

being a big nude babe at jews point is fine, really .. just don’t pick up your things off the beach when I’m behind you  .. ok?

nimben nimbin,when did that happen? – and was I there at the time ? Somebody?

what’s with the smile on an upside down dead cane-toad?

splendour in the grass .. yeah yeah .. bender at the pass, more like.

only a surfer knows the feeling ? – please discuss, with the wife.

post coital depression ? ..  zzzzzzzzzzz

byron bay is a joke, so why aren’t we all laughing?

anybody who pays over $5,000 for a ute should be dragged behind it down broken head road

reason for not wanting to be an oyster – .. you have to hold your breath for 6 hours.

that fish I just caught and threw back – after ripping out half its mouth getting the hook back – no worries – fish don’t feel pain, if they did they would whine.

bloke over there stretching, 45 year old bloke .. ..  stretching ? – gimme a break sportsman, surf with a crutch you old bastard .. or buy a sup..

a bodysurfer is just a head right? .. ridiculous, ride over him, it..

this is all my scribble, nothing borrowed.

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